So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
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So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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