white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
