Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
