I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
