im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
