hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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