Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
