my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
