you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
