thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
