just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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