couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
