I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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