End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
