DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
