U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
