Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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