The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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