Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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