What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
