apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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