it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
