im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
