Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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