I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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