Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
