There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
