Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
