Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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