I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
