Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
