i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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