well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Small penises have feelings too.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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