Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
