They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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