I'm pants shitting drunk right now
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
