So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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