ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
