I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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