Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
