you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
