my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
