if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
