That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
