barbara walters just said penis...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize