He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
