let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
