I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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