that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
