I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
