my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
