Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he thought i was a dude.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
