I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
