yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
