So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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