I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
How external is "for external use only"?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
