break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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