what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I looked at my own cervix.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
