Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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