This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
