There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
