btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
