I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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