There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
