And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
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I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
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So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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